topic posted Tue, June 30, 2009 - 11:22 AM by  Unsubscribed
How do you deal with betrayal and lies in your relationships? I have just had a major falling out with one of my best friends. She is Scorpio sun with Aries moon, I am cancer sun. I don't want to go into it too much here, but she basically lied about something and I caught her out. It was about something important to me and it hurt me a lot. She was trying to be sneaky but I can see right through any deceit in a second. She knows she is in the wrong but hasn't apologized, so now we haven't spoken since last week. She hasn't even called or emailed to say sorry. I have noticed her being slightly dishonest (white lies) once or twice before and I haven't said anything because it was over something very minor and it's probably not realistic to expect everyone to be 100%honest, all the time- although it's something I take seriously. I've got to the stage where I don't care if I'll never see her again and feel completely cold towards her. All of the feelings I had for her have disappeared. I can tell if someone is lying just by a slight change in their eyes or body language that most people wouldn't notice. Maybe it's more like a curse than a blessing to be able to see the dishonestly in people, ignorance is bliss as they say.
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  • Re: Betrayal

    Tue, June 30, 2009 - 12:43 PM
    Okay, here is what I think...

    First I think she is aware and looking to see your reaction before she "apologizes" or she does not think it is that serious...or she does not care and is totally aware... I cannot say for sure though, just trying my best to tap into it...

    either way, depending on how severe this betrayal is...I know if it is disrespectful or deceiving then *POOF* they no longer exist to me...

    I can care less about that person, and move forward without looking know why???......

    .......Because if what she did is wrong to you she will be aware of what is around the corner for her....believe me, she knows something is

    coming for her, she is either going to deny it or s.....I can feel it, I can see it......And only time will be a factor sorry enough.......

    I have an idea but I will share that with you later.....
    • Unsu...

      Re: Betrayal

      Tue, June 30, 2009 - 1:54 PM
      Yeah I think you're right. I think she is very aware of what she did and now she doesn't know what to do to put things right or what to say because she knows there are going to be fireworks. I just can't understand why she would do it in the first place. Being a crab, I let very few people in. I'm not one for half assed friendships and will put everything into it and expect the same back. My other two best girl friends are both cancerians and funnily enough we all have the same blood group, O negative, lol. I have only had my heart broken once, and that was back in school, I was 14, by my best friend who was also a female Scorpio. Maybe there's something in that.
      • Re: Betrayal

        Wed, July 1, 2009 - 12:36 AM
        Betrayal by a friend you love hurts like hell but in time it comes done to what you said here:
        "All of the feelings I had for her have disappeared."
        Its a funny twist of fate when somebody you loved with all your heart becomes nothing to you. Ive experienced that too and i dont wanna see that person or talk to her, for me she doesnt exit anymore and i honestly dont care what happens to her.
  • Re: Betrayal

    Wed, July 1, 2009 - 5:47 AM
    It depends largely on the severity of the betrayal. When I catch someone in a lie and I call them out, I expect them to come clean ,apologize and move on. I hate being bull-shitted. Sincerity is the golden key here. Keep it in short order and simple. If they don't make good or they play dumb, I take it down and file it away.....if justice isn't served immediately.

    Situations always seem to present themselves to right the wrong. Personally, I feel if someone has severly betrayed then they deserve to be exposed and disrespected publicly,in front of those whom they depend on

    I've only been betrayed once and it consumed me for years. I finally took a fresh perspective on the situation and let it go. No one is usually really worth the hate

    But some are
  • Re: Betrayal

    Wed, July 1, 2009 - 6:59 PM
    Consider too what is ...betrayal?

    I say this because oftentimes people feel "betrayed" when people don't behave in accordance with their own "standards". Betrayal in fact can be a very subjective thing...and honestly varies from person to person.

    I have a friend who put me in a bad position over a year ago...basically lied to me about a situation and let me defend her ...basically I was a clueless patsy. I had to be told the truth by another friend who could not stand to see me in that position defending her. Even after being caught out by the parties involved she did not them or to me even though she knew I knew the truth. And she still has not and honestly doesn't feel she should. I got to exactly the same point you did Stone best friend of 4 years I felt like I could just drop like an old newspaper.

    But then I started to realize that some of what happened was my fault. I purposely did not see her clearly. I always saw the signs...heard the little stories that happened before...but I always felt that in situation that mattered she would not behave that way. It was there to see...but I chose to not see it. So then the dilemma became now that I saw her clearly...could I accept her as she is?

    Empathy to me is not letting people walk all over you or play the martyr in a passive agressive war. Empathy to me means that I understand why people do things or what they feel...and I accept that part of them..good or bad...that's what you are. But I do not have to approve of the behavior.....cause that's what it is after all...a behavior. I realized that although she may be a shitty wife/mother/employee/etc. to me she has always been excellent friend. Many many times over...and so I see her warts and all now vs.the view from the pedestal I had her on and we evolve...but she is still my friend and I chose to accept that she is different then me and to be ok with it.

    But that is my story...yours is probably very different....but maybe some similarities? :)
    • Unsu...

      Re: Betrayal

      Mon, July 6, 2009 - 10:58 PM
      I have a freind that I grew up with. I am scorpio sun and he is an aries. we are the same age but we are very different. He has gotten married to this scorpio lady. She is the stronger one of the two. She is the masculine. She decided that they get married and he submissively went along with it. She was his first girlfriend. He met her last year. Now he has to get her approval for him to hang out with me. We dont hang out anymore. He looks like he wants to hang out sometimes, but she wont let him. Its disgusting.
      All the dumb shit he has done in the past that I forgave him for was all for nothing. There is nowhere else for our friendship to go.My sister told me once that the universe paired us together as friends so that I can be his older brother that stood next to him while he went through his hard shit like helping him get out of his drug addiction and watch him cry because he couldn't get girls before. It felt like there was a reason for all the times he let me down and I always forgave him. It hurts.
      He was never really there when things got bad for me. I just grew to accept that it is what it is. Perhaps I was too idealistic and expected more than this man was capable of. I set myself up for this. its my fault. I will take the will be hard to forgive him from now on.......but I never have a hard time forgiving myself....... I will move on......fuckem'
      • Re: Betrayal

        Tue, July 7, 2009 - 5:39 PM

        I am sorry to hear about your losing your friend.

        Sometimes I wonder if one of the main lessons of a scorpio moon besides learning how to master our emotions is also to learn how to give more freely of our understanding/emotions/love. We are so self protective sometimes...maybe it's a piscean idea....but I must say that I feel that the universe started to bring me more care and love from others when I was ok with giving and not necessarily getting it back.

        But that's not to say you let others take advantage...compassion doesn't equal matyrdom. Maybe now you just are more aware...and if you feel that he is not good for you ...then so be it.

        Sounds like you were a good friend....karma will reward you for that.
        • Unsu...

          Re: Betrayal

          Tue, July 7, 2009 - 5:46 PM
          Thanks, Coors .
          • Re: Betrayal

            Tue, July 7, 2009 - 11:23 PM
            Yeah, Sean, you were a great friend to him but he sounds very weak. You did the best things to help him, but in the end of the day, you cant live his life for him. If he has any brains he will realize what amazing friend he has lost and try to fix things. But if he countine to live like this he will do more stupid things and suffer the consequences, which are probably gonna be more than he can handle... and he wont have strong friend by his side to help him.
            Oh, well, we all have to make choices and its sad that some people always chose the wrong way
            • Unsu...

              Re: Betrayal

              Wed, July 8, 2009 - 12:29 AM
              You're right, Roxy. He made his choice and now he has to man-up. Whenever I see him around, he looks sad like a dog that got neutered.
              It already looks like more than he can handle. Makes me angry if I think about it too much.
              • Re: Betrayal

                Wed, July 8, 2009 - 2:53 AM
                I understand what you mean, but, try not bother yourself too much with it . He is a grown man, he is not your responsibility.
                When you care about someone, and are protective by nature, it is hard to let go, but, sometimes you just gotta do that, i supose. Every man for himself, as they say
  • Unsu...

    Re: Betrayal

    Tue, November 3, 2009 - 7:29 PM
    Betrayal of a friend is unforgivable. Chances are you don't need her, if she did it once and has a habit of lying she will do it again. Just my opinion on the matter.
  • Unsu...

    Re: Betrayal

    Tue, November 3, 2009 - 8:28 PM
    She hasn't called you in a week? Sounds like your friend's high up on herself there - I wouldn't expect an apology... not just anytime soon, but never from her. She obviously feels like she did nothing wrong, and furthermore doesn't care. Even if she is feeling guilty, having too much pride to apologize to someone who is your friend says loads about her character.

    I had a friend like this - She prided herself on telling white lies. She would tell me things that weren't true, and would make me worry about her. She willingly put me through mental and emotional strain. That is no friend. That is someone who only cares about one person- and that person is her.

    In your situation, you must look at the history between you two- if she's always lied to you, what would make you think she would stop? True friendship is about having each other's back, and being honest. How can you trust someone who would set you up just the same?

    Ask yourself if you want someone like that in your life - on your team, your side. My so called friend, who I mentioned above, when I called her out, we didn't talk. It's been almost half a year, and I'm in no way expecting her to apologize any time soon. The longer I spent away from her, the more I realized that she never really was a friend to begin with - when we'd talk, or I'd have an issue that I wanted to talk about, it would always end right back up with her problems and her life, and blah blah blah. My life didn't matter to her. It was always about her. So the transition from friend to no friend was a lot easier than I though it would be.

    How did I deal with the betrayal? I just realized that this is who she'll always be, and I can either let it get me down, or I could move on. We were friends for 22 years. And all I got from her was a large bar tab and a whole new set of personal crisis' or hers that I'd have to deal with every time. Yes, I was betrayed, and still am as she goes around telling people I'm (insert insult here), but fuck her. You will sometimes meet people like that in your life. All you can really do is learn from the experience. You were a good friend to her. She is going to wake up one day and realize she lost someone who cared about her.

    I say move on, and spend your time with people who make you feel good, and who take into consideration your feelings. FRIENDS.

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