Keep my cool for a pretty good while, then lash out. But only people very close to me know how I can react when provoked.

I am a very calm and collected person, my emotions are kept under control. But when something triggers it, those who know me well can see the signs ... I get very pissy and sharp ... those who don't know me well, can't see what the problem is. When I lose control, I literally have the Red Haze descend and I actually **see** through red energy. This can happen in an instant and it's like a flash flood. I have a total lack of fear or censorship at this point, and if something needs to be done or said, I'm immediately on it and forceful. Thankfully, I've only lost control like this a few times ... it's nothing for me to completely destroy property and be physically violent. The downside to controlling energy flows like this, if I don't **physically** and **mentally** expel it, is that the energy sits inside of me and it's the proverbial bad apple rotting out the entire bushel ... then the energy twists and turns and I end up nursing it into an alterered state i.e., resentment, etc., and that's a whole 'nother problem. Learning **not** to do this has been a challenge but a worthy one. I use humor to diffiuse and lots of self-viewing contemplation - looking for the silver lining in every thunder cloud.

I always seem to lash out first. I'm quick to ignite.

Could be my Uranus square mars though.

I usually manage to keep my cool (I've had much practice & savor self-discipline), but when I do 'lose it' ~ it is not easily forgotten!

love all-ways (esp. the ways that make a lasting impression),
mem

I can be temperamental, and when I do...ooooh child lol. I scare people when I am pissed, I black out sometimes. And other times I can be as cool as a polar bears toe nails hahahaaa!

I don't think I can say it is the same all the time but I try to keep my temper under control, I push it down for the most part until I know it is alright to let it out. I have learned to control my temper, as a younger person I was not able to for the most part. It can become expressed in other ways which can be negative for me. Occasionally I will fly off the handle out of nowhere because I just don't have the tolerance for that person or situation. My anger tends to build. I had a good exercise with anger management the other night I was out with my friends at a bar I ordered a vodka and cranberry drink. I put a $10 dollar bill on bar as payment. The bartender hands me my drink and gives me back $1. I am a little surprised because this is not a swanky place and it seems a bit steep but I let it go and leave the dollar bill resting on the table for her tip. I take a few sips only to realize this drink is incredibly weak and for $9 that is unacceptable. I am normally a very easy going patron because I work in the service business and grew up in the restaurant business so I understand all the complexities people have to deal with and I let a lot of things slide. We had just come from my friends Memorial and wanted to have a REAL DRINK! So I nicely ask the Bartender if she could serve me another drink, this one is very weak etc... She begins to explain in a lecturing tone that she poured the required amount of alcohol per drink demonstrating this with her fingers up against my glass and told me that the reason I do not taste the alcohol is due to the juice. Now this girl is about half my age, I have been drinking cocktails since before she was born so I think I might know what alcohol tastes like. Regardless instead of getting angry I recognized the situation for what it was, she was unwilling to accommodate me so I just said "ok, thank you". This is HUGE for me to do. I could have schooled her on the proper way to make a cocktail which is to highlight the alcohol not mask it with juice but I just kept quiet. I did however remove the tip in front of her face, complain about the lousy service right in front of her stating "I am 40 years old and I think I know what a weak drink tastes like" and that I would not longer order drinks here all this as though she was not present, she of course ignored me. I did not want to get into a fight but I did make my feelings clear in a semi hostile way. So I got my anger out but in a more constructive then destructive way. It could have gotten ugly with her and I knew she was not willing to compromise. The correct thing for her to do was to just pour me another drink, I would have stayed ordered many more and tipped her. It's good insight in how to be flexible, you get more accomplished.